Sometimes when you feel you are pushing really hard to make something work the best thing is to down all tools, relax and breathe!
I was laid off from work last November, which was just as well because I wanted to quit anyway! It was an old job I left previously due to stress, I had been there for years and it took its toll on me and my health. I had vowed I would never go back, but the universe had other plans and before I knew it I was talked into helping them out for a few months.
It was all a mater of timing. I was just finishing up a contract job and I was in the process of looking for a new job. My old boss got in touch with me, as if from nowhere, and asked me would I please come back and help him out for a few months, at least. We had always got on well together, it was just the job was crazy stressful. I found it hard to say no to him. He offered everything I wanted on my own terms; less work, less stress, the money I had always deserved but never got, more holidays, flexi hours, and a 4 day week. It all aligned and at the time it all seemed like the right thing to do. I had no idea why I was meant to go back to my old job, but it all seemed such a smooth transition that I had to say yes and see.
It wasn’t long before I was questioning my decisions, the crazy-ass stress was back, my sanity was challenged, all I wanted was out again! I really wondered what the whole point was in my going back at all!? The company was suffering and as it happens it went into liquidation within a few months, I was set free once more! However, this time I was set free with a nice redundancy/ severance package!
I had a kind of AHA moment! That’s why the universe wanted me to go back… I had worked underpaid and over-stressed for years with no reward, and as the company was going into liquidation I was finally getting my payoff!
But that wasn’t the only reason, the universe had more tricks up its sleeve….
Over that Christmas, since I was also going through a breakup at the time, I decided I would take that time off to just reset. There was no sense in looking for a new job at Christmas time anyway as most businesses would be winding down for the holidays. It gave me time to really think about what I wanted in my next job.
After my Fathers death in 2015, the crazy breakup of an engagement a year later and my subsequent traveling to various countries around the world, I began to question my way of life. I began to wonder what it was all for and realized I had been going around in a daze; just following and living a life that everyone else was living. Everyone was copying each other, doing the same things, living the same robotic life and none of them questioning whether they could have more. I decided I wanted to design my own life. I wanted to have more fun, more freedom, more time to walk, guilt free in nature, when I wanted to and I wanted to feel more purpose, to feel alive. But I didn’t know how to do this.
When I came back from travel I vowed I would never enter the 9-5 world again in the same way. I would work the hours I wanted. In fact I decided I didn’t want to ever feel I was working again, and so I needed to find out what makes me passionate and how can I apply that to the world. To help inspire others and in turn carve out a life for myself where I can earn money being me. Doing what I do best. Me.
That was all easier said than done, and so I began to look at the skills that I had and sought a way to use them to make a living.
In January I decided, as I couldn’t find any company’s I wanted to work for or any jobs that I wanted to dedicate myself to, that I would start up my own business. I set up two businesses ‘Your Journey’ – Ceremonies for weddings, vow renewals and funerals and also ‘Centrepoint Horizon’ where I practiced Reiki and Meditation.
I felt sure that I was doing the right thing, it was my time to be my own boss. But no matter how hard I tried neither business seemed to take off. It was incredibly difficult to gain any visibility. I wondered whether I was barking up the wrong tree? I felt the universe wanted me to go this direction, but maybe I was missing the point? Was I pursuing the wrong career? I had no other career I could think of that I would be able to make money from, and while I knew that wasn’t totally the right attitude I knew I had to pay the bills somehow.
After a lot of full on teary sessions, I began to plead with the Universe, God, Jesus, Angels, Ascended Masters, Buddha, Krishna, my Dad, and whoever was listening to help me, to guide me! I had fallen down a rabbit hole of self development in order to find my path and purpose but was more confused than ever before! I was running out of options and time! I developed and obsession to know the next move, the know the outcome, to make it perfect and right and get onto that path right now! I had worn myself out, to within an inch of my sanity and my life. I had no more battle left in me to figure it all out. I felt like I had been swimming chaotically, splashing against a current. I eventually surrendered.
The universe has always got our back, we just need to stop swimming against the tide and go with the flow; trusting that it’s not our job to know exact roads and route to take, trusting we will be guided naturally, and that all we need to have gentle focus on is a destination!
The problem was not that I couldn’t figure it all out. The problem was that I thought it was my responsibility to figure it all out. Every step. But it wasn’t, that’s the universe job, not mine. As soon as I let go of needing to plot and plan and move it all forward, as soon as I gave up and released all control. It all started to fall into place.
I began to meet the right people. I began to happen to be in the right place at the right time. I began to see more clearly.
I had known for some time that I didn’t want to do 1:1 work. It wasn’t for me. I found them draining of my energy and emotions, too intense and the expectation of having a magic pill instead of people doing the work on themselves, was too great. I had been told by my astrologer that I was meant to work over groups and this confused me somewhat; because although I could start up a workshop easily by bringing my meditation, reiki, herbal medicine, reflexology, hypnosis, etc all together it just never really seemed to excite me.
I then attended a FREE Mega Speaker event. I was doing lots of networking for work and saw that this may benefit me. It was free and was a networking event, I didn’t really know a whole lot about it but went along anyway. Turns out it was all about creating a career for yourself as a speaker, like Tony Robbins or Oprah or those inspirational and motivational speakers. I had always admired people who did inspirational talks, I certainly watched enough of them. Recently, while down the self development rabbit hole I had been watching tons of these.
The week after this event I then also attended womens circle. It was lovely but it made me realise that workshops are just the same as doing 1:1’s except you are doing it with 15-20 people. I knew that it wasn’t groups which I needed to work with, it was audiences. By being a speaker, sharing my knowledge and life with an audience of people there was less direct expectation. People were in charge of what they took from the seminar. They were in charge automatically of their own development. You could have people from all walks and levels of their journey in the same room and all would get what they needed. They wouldn’t be looking for a magic pill. They would take what information they needed. This was incredible. I knew what I wanted to do, now all I needed to do was to figure out what would I speak about?
It’s crazy really because I have been able to see myself standing on stage in front of lots of people, I have seen myself there and never knew it. I have had the image and have seen it, I just never put attention on the image. It was fleeting and passing. I knew this was all the right direction.
I had been meeting with some life/ business coaches in this time also. Both had said that when I spoke with them they could see me light up when I spoke about writing.
I had been told over the past 2-3 years that there was a book in me, that I needed to write a book but I never saw myself as a writer. I had been writing poems and journalling since I could hold a pen, but I never considered myself a writer or it being a career, at least.
A year previous, I had also attended a Hay house event in Dublin. I cried at the intro video! I had had a sudden realization I needed to write a book. I never saw myself as a writer and here it was, all coming together.
Over the coming months, after that event, I had started to write this book. But I had been so stressed out with making my businesses work that I put it on the back-burner. It was another thing I was doing, adding to the list of things, which wasn’t taking off or working. Something had to give and I decided that the book, which I had originally decided I would have done by August 2020, was now being relegated. I decided one day that I would leave the book and do it next year at some stage. Maybe that wasn’t in the plans for now.
As soon as I decided this a friend of mine, who I worked with many years ago and who I had lost much contact with, messaged me. We had a general chit chat and hey for a bit then went to say goodbye. Just before we did she sent me a photo of her daughter wearing her glasses and said she was writing. Of course as I had been writing I was curious what she was doing. She was writing an article, and then mentioned she was writing a book. I was giddy and asked when she wanted to have it ready by, she said August! Which was when I had planned to have mine. I had literally just decided to put mine off till next year and rather than go into it I said nothing. We were about to say goodbye when she said she had a suggestion… why don’t we send our chapters to each other to support and spur each other one!!
Okay Okay Universe… I hear you I thought!!
Could it be that I needed to just write this book… that’s it, that’s all? No! Surely not! I love writing. Surely I couldn’t indulge in simply being a writer? But how do I pay the bills?
It all became clear in an instant. My redundancy was due in any day now. I couldn’t find a job I liked, my businesses were not taking off and the only thing left that I had which brought me any joy…. was walking in nature and writing. I was about to give it up when Liz contacted me from nowhere and held me accountable to the book and getting it done.
Okay then… I decided… I was going to quit swimming against the tide and take the next three months to be a writer! When I have a book I have something to talk about, which would make sense for becoming a speaker and helping to inspire people… Wow!
Since I made that decision I can see so clearly how everything has aligned for me. Within 24hours the only Celebrant booking I had at that time cancelled, the corona virus took hold making everyone self isolate and have to stay indoors, which means less distraction and I’ve been the happiest and most carefree I have been in months.
The universe has always got our back, we just need to stop swimming against the tide and go with the flow; trusting that it’s not our job to know exact roads and route to take, trusting we will be guided naturally, and that all we need to have gentle focus on is a destination!
